I think if I had to pick a favorite holiday, it would be April Fools. Every year I would work together with my friends to prank one of our mutual friends. Last year though, I noticed that as April Fools' was approaching, there was no discussion of pranks. Turns out that was because everyone was targetting ME. Unfortunately for my friends, I found out and turned the whole thing around on them. I knew I would have to watch my back this year; I had this feeling that I was going to wake up on April Fools' morning in a ditch 50 miles away, covered in scorpions.

Freshman Year:

My friend Andrea, who lived downstairs from us, had this stuffed animal she slept with every night named Flopper. She and her roommates had this stupid habit of leaving their doors unlocked at all hours of the day and night, and I'd always warn them to lock it. On April Fools, of course, the door was still unlocked. I had to take advantage of that. When Andrea and her roommates were all at lunch, we snuck in her room and replaced her stuffed animal Flopper with... another stuffed animal named Flopper that we found at Spencer Gifts.

_____________________
________Flopper._______________________________________Also Flopper.

We left a ransom note telling her to "call this number" if she ever wanted to see the real Flopper again. However, "this number" wasn't any of our numbers.. we actually just opened up an Albany phone book and picked the most ridiculous name we could find; something like Boomsheequa Jackson. Unfortunately when Andrea called Boomsheequa, she got her voicemail. Too bad.. I think it would have been a pretty funny conversation.

Sophomore Year:

This year's prank was more of a had-to-be-there kinda thing, so I won't waste time with all the details. We put an official-looking letter in my roommate Dan's mailbox telling him, very unsympathetically, that he was being moved from the room he signed up for and was being wait-listed for Alumni Quad.

Junior Year:

Junior year is when things started getting pretty messed up. This when all of my friends were conspiring against me. It all started ten days before April Fools', when I received a poke from a girl facebook one night. Let's call her Lucy. "Look! Look at this girl who poked me," I yelled to my suitemates, with the excitement of a teenaged girl. As I read them the strangely long list of interests she had in common with me, my roommate Dan started laughing uncontrollably. I was a little weirded out but I didn't think much of it just then. I poked her back and went to bed.

The next morning I got up, and like I do every morning instead of taking a shower, getting dressed, brushing my teeth or going to class, I logged onto facebook. Lucy hadn't poked or messaged back yet, but I decided to take another look at her profile. Being a computer techie, a facebook addict, and a crazy person, I noticed a bunch of things wrong with the profile that most people wouldn't notice. She only had one picture, no one posted any comments on her wall, and her email address wasn't in the same format as the people in my year. Then I thought back to my roommate laughing the night before, and I realized- Lucy didn't exist! My friends created her as part of some hilllaarious plot to shatter my happiness. "Ha ha Josh! Lucy is FAKE! APRIL FOOLS! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ALONE!!"

Honestly though, I wasn't THAT excited about Lucy's poke. I mean, she had kind of a googly-eye going on; you know, like those googly-eyes that you used in arts and crafts as a kid? Yeah. But those motherfuckers were still going to pay. Instead of telling them I knew, I played along for the remainder of their prank. Man, if I hadn't figured it out through the facebook profile, I definitely would have figured out somehow. My friends are so bad at this stuff. They would do things like.. get dead quiet and stare at the floor whenever I walked near them, or IM me as Lucy on screennames that I knew I hadn't told anyone besides close friends.

I soon realized that there was no foolproof way to get ALL of my friends back, so I'd concentrate on the person who was leading the whole operation, my roommate Mike. On April Fools' day, after playing along for so long, I cornered him the bathroom as he was washing his hands. "I've got a story for you Mike", I said. "You'll like this one."

"I was in the campus center at Outtakes and I saw this girl who looked like Lucy! You know, the girl from facebook?"

Mike started laughing "Ha.. Oh yeah!"

I continued- "So I went up to her and- this is kind of embarassing- but I said 'Excuse me, this is going to sound kind of weird but... are you Lucy?'"

At this point Mike was cracking up, thinking I went up to some random chick and embarassed myself.

"And you know what she said?" I paused for a moment... Mike waited in suspense...

"APRIL FOOLS'!!!"

I then whipped out two cans of shaving cream with which I bukkaked Mike from head to toe. "HOW DID YOU KNOW!?" he screamed, as he cowered into a little ball in the corner. "HOW DID YOU KNOWWWW!?!?"

It was probably the best day of my life.

Senior Year:

This brings us to the present. Mike vowed revenge this year, so I was watching my back like a freak. I'm talking like, locking my door when I left my room to take a piss. Every new girl I met, I'd be like "NICE TRY, WHORE!! HOW MUCH DID THEY PAY YOU!?" But as careful as I was, the fucker still got me.

The day before Spring Break, I woke up and started my morning routine. I squeezed some toothpaste onto my brush and noticed it sort of.. sunk INTO the brush. It was a little strange but I went ahead and stuck it in my mouth anyway. About two brushstrokes later, I realized that whatever in my mouth was NOT toothpaste; it was shaving gel... gross. I spit it out and borrowed some toothpaste from my roommate. Then I hopped in the shower and grabbed my soap. For some reason.. my bar of soap was dry. Like REALLY dry. The water did nothing. Turns out he wrapped it in nail polish. So I thought "that's okay, I'll just use my liquid soap." I go to open the bottle and it's crazy-glued shut. Then I realized he crazy-glued every other bottle I had in the bathroom. So I jump out of the shower.. cold, naked, and angry.. to search for another bottle of shampoo and soap, but that cockbag hid all of it. Bravo, Mike.

Mike called me a few hours later from home to see how my morning went. He laughed and said he would replace all my bathroom crap. That's great and all, except it's SPRING FUCKING BREAK; what am I supposed to do, wait a week for him to buy me new shit? But that's okay.. don't get mad, get even, right? I think Mike has forgotten from last year's shenanigans that when it comes to April Fools', I'm fucking crazy. Expect an update soon.