6/23/05

-Added more to the Sea-Monkey Guide
-Updated the random quotes.
-Updated the IM logs.

This past weekend was great! First, on Friday, I had this really awesome sandwich at the campus center.. but wait it gets better, then I got some new hand soap for the bathroom. Saturday was awesome as well- I played Connect 4 and won like TWICE. Sunday was pretty uneventful; I didn't do much. Nothing, really.

Oh except my friends Christine and Anna from Massachusetts invited me over their place, and I saw Dane Cook perform live, then I crashed over so the next day they could take me all over the city of Boston, including the New England Aquarium and the Prudential Center. I'd like to thank Christine and Anna again for all of that, it was such a blast. While I was there, we worked on the sea-monkey page a bit too, so go check that out.

6/13/05

-Updated the IM logs.

I had to make a quick trip home this past weekend; it was my first time driving downstate alone. You would think since I've done it at least ten times with someone I would know the way by now, but this is me we're talking about. First I almost got pulled over by a state trooper when I was going 80.. they flashed their lights at me.. but they just wanted me to get out of the way. I guess they had bigger fish to fry, but it scared the crap out of me. Then my Dad's directions said to "pay toll at exit 16", but what he actually meant was to pay the toll that is AFTER exit 16, not to GET OFF at exit 16. So I had a nice little detour in the middle of nowhere.. that took about 15 minutes.

Next, I finally got into NYC, but I missed a certain exit leaving me horribly lost in the Bronx, the BEST place to get lost in. I pulled over at a gas station and asked for directions. By the time I finally got back on track, it was the worst part of rush hour. And of course I had to pee the whole time. So I turned a three hour trip into a five hour trip, but I finally got home.. and my family and friends made fun of me for the rest of the weekend.

6/7/05

-Updated the IM logs.
-Updated the random quotes.

This past Friday I was really hungry because I missed dinner, so I decided I'd eat like 20 oreos. Then later I got hungry again, so I thought maybe it'd be a good idea to order ten pounds of general tso's chicken, and eat it as fast as possible. This was actually not one of my better ideas... I was out of commission for the rest of the weekend. For once it wasn't Chartwells that got me sick.

Today I got my first social psychology test back.. I got a freakin 100... holy crap!!!! Most of social psych is pretty obvious though... like gee, I wonder what "Effort Justification" could be.. maybe justifying your effort? And gosh, I wonder what inconsistencies in one's attitudes and behaviors causes.. I dunno, maybe cognitive dissonance!? DUH!!!

Work is so boring. I sit around in a computer room, and people ask me "Can I print here?" and I say "Yes". I do that for five hours. That's pretty much it. I guess I'm greatful it's not tough, but I just get so restless sitting around. I'll do anything to amuse myself. Today this old dude was like do you have any floppy disks, and I'm like yeah I have a floppy disk for you, right here, and I kicked him in the nuts. He yelled out "egad!!!" because that's what old people say... Then my boss came in like whatttt you can't do that, and he started throwing oreos and general tso's chicken at me, but I used the old guy as a shield... and the old guy was like oh noOoo I hate being hit by oreos and general tso's chicken, but it's happening now, creating COGNITIVE DISSONANCE! See, I told you social psych is sooo obvious.

5/28/05

-Updated the random quotes.
-Updated the Horrible Jokes.
-Updated the IM logs.

I decided to get some hot chocolate yesterday before class in the campus center. I get a cup, press the "hot chocolate" button, put a lid on the cup, and leave. During class, I take a sip and almost spit it out everywhere. It was basically brown water. After class, I need to get lunch really quick before work, but I want to go back to the campus center and complain first. So I run over there, and after a few minutes my brown water was replaced with hot chocolate, free of charge. This left me very little time for lunch... so I run to the cafeteria really quick, cram as much food down my throat as possible in about 5 minutes, get up, and realize: I don't work on Friday.

5/25/05

-Updated the IM logs.

So after a week in Queens and a crazy trip to Manhattan with Jewels, I'm finally back in Albany for the summer. First, a little about driving in Manhattan- I will get a stroke if I ever have to do that again. Gridlock is everywhere, traffic lights mean nothing, and NYC drivers are ruthless. People will blatantly cut you off every block, like it makes a difference.. oh great they'll get to their destination less than a minute earlier, SO WHAT!? Chill the hell out, stop cutting everyone off and STOP HONKING YOUR HORN!!! IT WON'T DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN PISS PEOPLE OFF! In the end I still had fun though, once the driving was over.

Now a little bit about Albany- I was expecting it to be brutally hot up here, since it is May and all... So I bring up a couple of light blankets, a high-powered giant fan, and a bunch of light shirts. But no, it's not hot- it's about 40 degrees every night, and raining all the time. Here's the worst part- They're doing construction on our heating plant til June 1st, so that means NO HEAT OR HOT WATER TIL THEN. My room is FREEZING, I can barely type this sentence! Also there's the problem of showering. If it were like 90 degrees here, I wouldn't mind taking an ice cold shower, but I'm not about to do that in a freezing cold room.

Then there's the whole food problem. Albany forces you to buy a meal plan if you live here for the summer, except the dining hall is NEVER open. I wake up each morning at 9:00, and when does the dining hall end breakfast? 9:00. So maybe I can catch lunch, but lunch opens at 11:00, which is exactly when my class starts. Then dinner ends at 6:30, and I get out of work at 6:00- so I have to haul my ass over to the dining hall as fast as possible to catch dinner. Oh and of course there are no meal swipes available anywhere else on campus.

On the bright side, I get a nice double-sized room all to myself, I have a decent amount of friends up here, my job is pretty nice, and I'm keeping myself busy. It's cool.

5/19/05

-Updated the movies section.
-Updated the random quotes. -Updated the IM logs.

What a long, boring week. Friends visited yesterday, which was nice, and I'll be having a very very busy weekend, driving all over NYC and then almost immediately back to Albany a day or two later. Also I do have some potentially awesome stuff I'll be doing later in the summer. Anyway, since coming home I've really had nothing to do except chat online with my friends and play piano, which you can see by today's update: A bunch of new IM logs, new quotes, and a new piano video. Enjoy.

Don't forget about last week's update if you haven't seen it yet.

5/12/05

-Updated the Features/Misc. section. with:
-Nature's Symphony of Relaxing Relaxation for Sleeping Relaxed
-Added some pics to WWJD.
-Updated the pics section.

Holy mother of crap it's been awhile... sorry!!! My finals are done at last, and I think I did alright this semester. Some highlights from the past month: On Fountain Day this year, I entered the fountain with two flip-flops on my feet. I got knocked down at some point... and, well, in the end, I came out with one flip-flop and some random sandal. Check the pics section for that one. I pulled an all-nighter a few days ago to finish up a webpage I was doing fo

r one of my classes. Each hour I became more and more cracked out 'til I could barely stand. I saw the sun rise, I saw my roommates get up for their 8AM finals... They're all like "What are you doing up this early", and I'm all like "AHHhHHHAHaHA I NEVER WENT TO SLEEP!!!". I think the page came out pretty nice, check it out here if you're interested. It's about online cartoons/comics and crap. Okay people, enjoy the big update today.

4/10/05

-Updated the Features/Misc. section.
-Updated the Horrible Jokes.

So during this linguistics test on Friday, we were allowed to use a dictionary to see how certain words were broken up. What the teacher probably didn't realize was that we could also use our dictionaries to look up definitions of the linguistics terms that we had to define during the test. So having a dictionary was a pretty nice advantage.

There was this girl a couple seats behind me who didn't have a dictionary. Towards the end of the test, a friend of mine kept trying to discreetly pass his dictionary to the girl because he was done. The girl didn't even look up from her test. He kept trying for awhile but the girl just didn't seem to notice. So I snap my fingers to try to get the girl to look up, and she finally does. She says to my friend "I don't need it," and says to me "And don't snap your fingers at me, it's rude." Well excuse me for trying to help you out, jerkass. You could have easily just told my friend "No thank you" instead of ignoring him all that time. I hope Chartwells gives you dysentery.

4/2/05

-Updated the Features/Misc. section with my Spring Break story.
-Updated the movies section with a Coldplay piano video.

Well I'm back in school now! I have three tests this week, but I'm updating with the little free time I have. No funny stories come to mind, besides the spring break one up there.

3/23/05

-Updated the Crazy Crap.

On the weekends, Albany has outside food venders come to the school. Chartwells managed to mess up one of my favorite places, Wings Over Albany. The BBQ wings had no sauce, and for the honey mustard wings- they used regular mustard. GROSS. So I had this plan to poop in a jar and send it to Chartwells corporate headquarters, with a letter saying I was not satisfied so I'm returning my food and I'd like a full refund. People tell me you can't send poop in the mail though because it's hazardouds material, and it'd be considered bioterrorism.

Oh and- I got a new Homestar poster in the mail today, very excited about that.

3/3/05

-Updated the Movies page.
-Updated the Random Quotes page.

This weather is killing me... it was almost zero degrees again this morning, and the wind just rapes me in the face everywhere I go. Now I have to walk across campus to study with a friend for my first linguistics test. Oh, speaking of linguistics there was almost a brawl in the last class. Some old guy and some kid started arguing about how they couldn't hear the teacher when the other was talking, and our linguistics teacher (who looks like the lambchop lady) broke it up. She smacked the kid and farted on the old guy, then we went on with the lesson.

2/23/05

-Updated the Movies page.
-Updated the Features/Misc. section with a new midi.

I have this job in Albany; I'm a consultant in the computer user rooms. Last semester I worked 12 hours a week plus managed to do well in all my classes. I worked my ass off (the job is fairly easy but taking 5 classes and working 12 hours can be stressful). This semester I get screwed, all the work hours are taken and I only have ONE. That means I get SIX BUCKS A WEEK. I had to take off from work today to go to some meeting... I hope I don't lose my job. What am I going to do without my six bucks!? I won't be able to buy my skittles for the week, ohHhh noOoOo!!!

So anyway- for today's update I have a new movie and a new midi in the Features page (you'll have to scroll down a bit to find it... look for the midi section). And someone go post in the forum already, it's been months.

2/19/05

-Updated the pics.
-Updated the IM logs.
-Organized/Renamed some stuff on the site, cleaned a few things up.

So I'm back home for the first time this semester... I think that was the longest amount of time I've been in Albany without coming back. Things have been ok, I've made a new friend or two, I found an AWESOME magic shop where they won't try to rip you off like the ones in NYC, and I'm pretty sure I passed/did decent on my first three tests (which were all crammed into two days).

I'd like to thank Alison with one "l" for sending me an awesome little valentines day card in the mail, that rocked. And also Sarah for getting me that carnation. Oh, and Mike for helping me study for my 3 tests. And Ghost Face Killa for the dozen roses, perfume, and lotion.

2/10/05

-Updated the Bad FaceBook Pics page in the Misc. Section.

I try not to put too much personal stuff on my website, because it's main purpose is to entertain, not to put crap about me no one cares about. But today I can't resist... everyone needs to hear this. I walked into a local Panera Bread bakery- and I finally met my soulmate.

The Sierra Turkey sandwich. She had tender, smoked turkey nestled with romaine lettuce, red onions, a tangy smoky chipotle mayonnaise, all on Asiago Cheese focaccia... oh god... incredible. Our eyes locked. Time froze. I drew closer, and sank my teeth in... ohHhHhh... yesssss....

But seriously, you have no idea how good Panera was after eating horrible college food for a month. Next time I go to Panera, I'm getting two sandwiches. One to eat, and one to make love to.

2/9/05

-Updated the Pics.
(Don't forget, new pics are on the bottom)

A small update today- I made a new logo for Albany's food caterer, Chartwells. I have a few tests coming up, don't know if I'll be able to update in awhile but we'll see.

2/6/05

-Updated the Movies.

Well I just got done doing my linguistics homework, and I feel like I want to stab myself in the face. I spent like half an hour translating those phonetic symbols you find next to words in the dictionary into real words. For example: [f^k lin-'gwis-tiks]. A friend of mine took a video of me doing this, she found it amusing- linguistics.avi. By the way- this isn't the new movie, just something extra. You can find the other one in the movies page.

Anyway, today was pretty crazy. I've been spending almost all my free time working with this sketch comedy club on campus. Meetings always take twice as long as anyone thinks they will. Then I have this website to work on, another website I'm making with some friends, and... I have very little time to just relax. Again, today's update is a new movie, I think this one is pretty hysterical- check it out everyone.

1/31/05

-Updated the Crazy Crap

Damn it's been awhile, sorry about that. I'm back in Albany now, and I've been stressed out and working on a million different things- not to mention I have classes again. As for my classes this semester, they seem alright except for my intro to linguistics class. I have to take this class for my major... and it just seems so useless. And there are actually people in the class who are genuinely interested in this stuff, and ask totally random questions that don't relate to anything we're talking about...

"Is sign language a language?"
"Do animals speak languages?"
"Can deaf monkeys use sign language?"
"Can dogs talk to monkeys with sign language!?!?"

Today we talked about how in order to say the "t" sound, we push air against our tongue and use our teeth... wow. Hey I've got a sound... you press your lips together and you exhale... "Bohhhhh.." as in "Boooooring".

1/9/04

-Fixed up the Sea-Monkey Care Guide a little bit.
-Updated the pics section a little bit, it's been awhile.

About a week ago, I had to go to the bank, but I would never make it out of my house on time. What's with banks closing so damn early? My bank closes at three every day! I think they have the wrong time zone or something, like they think this is China. What about vampires? How are they supposed to do their banking? They should have a big sign at the front door- NO VAMPIRES.

1/5/04

-Sea-Monkey Care Guide added to the misc. section!
-Updated the Horrible Jokes.
-Updated the IM logs.
-Fixed up the Links section a bit.
-Updated the Credits.

Whoops, sorry guys. It's been awhile but I have a great new update for everyone! The past week has been extremely unproducitve, but I made up for it last night with this. Learn to take better care of your Sea-Monkeys with my Sea-Monkey Care Guide! Also check out the other miscelleneous updates all around the site.

12/24/04

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS UPDATE!!!

-Wrote a CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE in the Misc. Section!!!

-Updated the Crazy Crap
-Updated the Random Quotes
-Updated the Credits
-Updated the IM Logs

While all of you were out celebrating the holiday with your families, I stayed here and did this huge awesome Christmas update! So you guys better enjoy it! Make sure to read my Choose Your Own Adventure story! Happy Holidays everyone!

12/17/04

-Updated the WWJD page and the Bad FaceBook Pics page in the Misc. Section
-Updated the IM Logs

After a hellish week of finals, I'm finally back home. And not a moment too soon- I didn't have any clothes left since no one ever unlocked the damn laundry room. I packed so much for my vacation that I could barely see the guy sitting in the backseat of my car. He was buried under a crapload of clothes and my piano. I told him if the police ask- he is luggage. I do kind of miss my friends already, but now I finally get a break to just relax and do whatever the hell I want. I've noticed a lot more people have been coming to the site lately so I'm going to try to update more often now. Keep coming back!

12/12/04

-Wrote a WWJD (What Would Josh Do?) page in the Misc. Section

Well, I have no clothes left, and the laundry room is locked so I figured I'd update. I went to a christmas party last night. I had some crackers and got thirsty, so I asked if there was any soda. "This is a BYOS party, Bring-Your-Own-Soda", a girl replies. Something I could have been informed of before the party. So everyone sat down and did nothing. It was really more like a BYOP party. A "Bring-Your-Own-Party" party. Anyway, I have a pretty cool update today, a new page in the misc. section. I may add more to it more in the future, we'll see.

12/6/04

-Updated the Misc. Section
-Updated the Crazy Crap

Nice update today! A hilarious, very embarassing story in the crazycrap section, and a paper I wrote for creative writing in the misc. section. Check it out- you'll like it.

11/29/04

-I had to remove the Thanksgiving piano movie today... if you still want it, give me an email!

I bought a game this past Thanksgiving vacation at Gamestop. It was brand new so it cost me 55 bucks. That's a lot of bucks! I played it for a few days, then I decided "Ok this is good but not worth 55 bucks." I go back to Gamestop with my receipt to return it, and the manager was giving me such a difficult time. He's yelling at me all like "This has been opened!". And I say "Uhh.. then can I just exchange it for something else?" He says "It's been opened!" So I finally ask how much I can return the game for if it's been opened. He types some crap on his computer, and says "25 dollars".

Well, that was just unacceptable. He was being a huge douchebag, so I'm like "Well what if I gave you the game... and the middle finger" as I pull my finger out of my pocket. "Would you give me more?" *sigh* Actually I just stormed out of the store. But seriously, this guy didn't have to be such a jerkass. God forbid I don't know Gamestop policy. Does he think I read the freakin' Gamestop Bible before I go to bed every night?

"What!?!? You don't know store policy!!! AGHHhHHh I'm so mad now I have CANCER!!!"

11/22/04

-Updated the Random Quotes
-Updated the Movies

This past Saturday night was like the worst night ever. My suitemates decided to combine two of my least favorite activities- drinking and poker. Everyone and their Mom is playing poker these days, it's like the new fad. I don't see what the big deal is... I tried to play a little, but I got tired of it quick. My suitemates like to play for like 30 hours straight every day of every weekend. I just don't have that attention span, I'll never finish a game. I don't even think I can finish this entry! I'll probably just

11/18/04

-Updated the Movies

Uhhh... I'll update this later if I can think of anything interesting. I have a great update today- two new movies! Go check 'em out.

11/14/04

-Updated the Bad FaceBook Pics page in the Misc. Section.
-Updated the Horrible Jokes

I came back home for this past weekend, I needed a little break from college. When you don't go home for a couple of months, you start to appreciate things like your own shower, your own room, and real, actual food. Anyway, I hung out with some friends tonight who live in opposite directions, and I had to drive them both home. And tomorrow morning, I'm traveling back up to Albany. I'm tellin' ya, driving all night is the best way to spend the night before you have to drive all day. As for the updates today- the facebook thing is the same as the 11/12/04 entry, but the horrible joke is new... haven't had one of those in awhile. I'm working on another cool thing for the site (similar to the Bad Facebook Pics page), hopefully I'll be done with it in the next few days.

11/3/04

-Updated the Misc. Section with a guide to avoiding bad TheFaceBook pictures.

So this morning, I'm sleeping, having this wonderful dream where all these DMV workers had to wake up at like 7 in the morning to go to their boring statistics class (I hate the DMV), when this loud buzzing wakes me up. There's some guy with a chainsaw cutting a tree down outside my window. After he cuts it down, he starts cutting it into little chunks too. I yell out my window for him to "shut the hell up, it's seven in the morning", but he can't hear me over the freakin chainsaw. I go out into my commonroom and find that the chainsaw woke my suitemates up too. I'm like "We should go out and say something" but they're all like "Oh NooOoOoo Josh, we're too scared; He has a CHAINSAW!" Freakin pansies. So I grab my coat, walk out there and go up to the guy-

"Hey! Excuse me! You think you guys could not use your chainsaw this early in the morning? You just woke up that entire building!"

"Sorry dude, I'm just doing what my boss told me."

Well, he was being completely rude and unreasonable, so I karate-chopped his skull and ate his chainsaw. Meanwhile my pansy suitemates were crapping their skirts, and they ran away to go buy fresh tampons.

10/28/04

-Updated the Random Quotes

Ok- some funny things that happened in the past two weeks.

I was sitting in class with my giant laptop the other day, and my friend was like, "Hey Josh, could you get me a drink from your fridge?" and I'm like "That's my laptop man!!!

I was lying down in my room last week, taking a break, when I hear this crazy-loud deep booming from my wall. My suitemate was blasting some rap music, and I guess he must have the world's largest subwoofer or something. It sounded like he turned the treble all the way down and the bass so high it could make a small animal's heart explode. Either that or he has a pet gorilla, and it was beating on my wall and jumping on the floor in a steady beat for like 30 minutes.

Or maybe we have a new suitemate, like a giant subwoofer moved in or something.

"Hey Subwoofer, wanna go get some breakfast?"
"BOOOOOOOOM!!!!! BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!!!!! (chikka-chikka)"

Speaking of subwoofers, that's what my room mate's alarm clock sounds like. For some reason, he has to put the volume as high as it'll go to wake up, yet if I rustle my sheets or change my breathing pattern at night, he wakes up. A few days ago, at about eight in the morning (which is like blasphemously early for me) I hear that alarm... BOOOOOM!!! BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!!! (chikka-chikka)

10/14/04

-Updated the Movies
-Updated the Random Quotes
-Updated the Crazy Crap

I've been taking my laptop to most of my classes lately, and it's been awesome. I type like ten times faster than I write, so it's great for me. The only problem is, my laptop weighs about a million pounds. It's HUGE, like the people that sat next to me on the express bus every day in the summer. Whenever people see it in class, I get one of two reactions-

"Whoa! Nice! Widescreen!"
or...
"You brought your freaking desktop computer to class!?"

Pretty good update today, take a look at the new stuff.

10/10/04

-New FAQ page, check it out!
-Updated the IM Logs

Another update already! A lot of people were having trouble seeing the movies in the movies page, so I put up a FAQ to help out with that (and a few other things). I also threw in a couple of IM logs, so check those out too. The Movies Section is still really new, so check that out too if you haven't yet. I'll put a new movie some time in the next week.

10/8/04

-NEW MOVIES SECTION! HOLY CRAP!

It took awhile, but it's finally done!!! Go check out the new movies! I put three to start with, but I've got a few more. Keep checking back! I would also like to thank all the people who gave me advice on the movies section and posted on the forum, as I requested in my last update (no one). You guys are the best! Thanks!

9/28/04

-Updated the Random Quotes
-Updated the IM Logs
-Updated the Crazy Crap

Whoops, sorry for the lack of updates, I've just got so much work. This update is a decent-sized one though. I've got five pages of writing to do for my creative writing class, and I have no idea what to do. Maybe I should take some stuff from this site. I don't know...

Oh yeah, the movies section I've been talking about... I have the movies, I'm ready to put them on the site, but I'm not sure how I want the movies section to look. I was thinking of putting thumbnails of the movies but I'm not sure how. Or maybe I should just put a normal link, and a little description underneath... If anyone has some suggestions, let me know on the forum.

9/16/04

-Updated the IM Logs

I'm back in NYC for a little while! The drive home was pretty smooth too! Except when I pulled into a toll to get a ticket when entering the thruway, but I didn't pull up close enough so I couldn't reach the ticket, and I had to get out of the car and walk over to get it, with the entire SUNY Albany campus waiting behind me. That wasn't smooth. Anyway, the only hard part was leaving Albany, I don't know the area that well. That and getting into NYC. Also, the part in-between those.

Small update today, just a couple of IM logs, but they're good. Most of my content is in Albany, or I would have had more stuff. Look for some movies in the next week!

9/14/04

-Updated the Random Quotes
-Updated the IM Logs

Important update today! The site now has a new address-
http://www.OffTargetOntheJosh.com! Yes, I got my own domain! Also, a new email address- Josh@OffTargetOntheJosh.com (make sure the first J is capitalized... I think for some reason this email address is case sensitive). I've got a lot more space and bandwidth now, so I plan to put some movies up soon. Anything else you guys would like to see on the site? Email or post some suggestions.

9/6/04

-Updated the Random Quotes
-Updated the Pics
-Updated the IM Logs

I'm back in Albany! It's a lot of fun, my new classes are pretty cool, and I'm getting lots of material for the site again since I'm surrounded by friends all the time. The only real problem is our new room... it's much bigger than our old one, but every morning we can hear the clock tower going off. It starts going off at 7:00 and rings every half hour after that, so I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. I tried ear plugs, but they're pretty uncomfortable and if you sleep on your side it starts getting real far into your ear. I'm afraid I'll wake up one morning with ear plugs in my brain. Alright, take a look around, there's lots of new stuff.

8/2/04

-Updated the Horrible Jokes

I saw The Village a few nights ago, it was such an awesome movie, but it was RUINED for me by idiot 13 year olds and ghetto people in the audience. People laughing at inappropriate times, talking loud during the movie, shouting out "Man dis movie is WHACK!!!" IF YOU THINK THE MOVIE IS "WHACK" THEN LEAVE, JACKASS!!! Pull your head out of your ass and go "keep it gangsta" with your dumbass friends somewhere else! See, the problem is the previews for this movie make it look like it's your typical horror movie, when it actually has a deep plot and requires you to pay attention. To see if this movie is for you, just take this quick little test-

-Have you asked the question "Are there any bad guys in this movie?"
-Are you unable to form a coherent sentence?
-Do you walk with a limp, but have no injury?
-Have you threatened to bust a cap in anyone's ass?
-Did you wonder "Is Vin Diesel in this?"
-Have you ever said the phrase "bling-bling"?
-Do you work at the DMV?
-Did you see Freddy vs. Jason? If so-
-Why the hell did you see Freddy vs. Jason?
-No, seriously, why would you do that?

It's a simple test, if you answered "yes" to any of these questions, don't see "The Village" and shoot yourself.

7/26/04

-Updated the Random Quotes
-Updated the Horrible Jokes

I hate the subway. I hate it so much. Everyone is in a rush, shoving you around all the time. Whenever a train is stopping or turning it makes this ungodly screeching noise. You can't even have a conversation with someone, it's so damn loud. And it's impossible to understand the damn conductor. They speak some kinda ancient subway language, back from when the subway was built thousands of years ago. The subway is seriously freaking OLD, it's always making that noise, breaking down, and the creepiest people ride it. Once, I was sitting on the F train coming back from work, some huge scary black guy sits right next to me, and starts rapping. No headphones on or anything.... he was just rapping to himself. Then he starts talking to the guy across from him (who he doesn't know) about stabbing people, as he whips out his pocket knife and starts waving it around. Meanwhile my Mom is next to me telling me to put my CD player away.

After that little incident, I had enough, and started riding the express bus to and from work. At first it seemed better... no knife-waving psychos or anything. But you know what the express bus DOES have?

Fat people.

I don't mean like, a little chubby, pleasantly plump or anything... I mean gargantuan, massive fat people. For some reason, all the small short thin people walk by my seat in the morning, and only fat people sit next to me. I don't have anything against overweight people but, there's not a lot of room in those seats and I'm a tall guy, long legs and everything. Today, I thought I was safe. I was in the back of the bus, with an entire seat between me and this huge (HUGE) guy. But the guy keeps falling asleep, and he's just getting closer and closer to me. As the bus drives he just keeps leaning in my direction... he was like a second from toppling onto my lap when he wakes up in a huge coughing fit, and like, coughs ebola or elephantitis all over the back of the bus.

So, it's either rappers or fat people. I just can't win.

6/29/04

-Updated the IM Logs
-Updated the Crazy Crap

I'm sure a lot of you have heard that since I started working, I get no sleep. It was driving me insane. I have no tolerance for lack of sleep. A lot of my friends have told me "But Josh- why don't you sleep in the subway?" Well, the trains I take remove the glass from the corner seats, so I have nothing to lean against. I can't sleep straight up or my head will fall on the person next to me. I'm not going to sleep on my mom's shoulder, I have some dignity. But today I had an idea... what if I took a pillow, stuffed it in a bag, and slept on that! I looked around my house but couldn't find one small enough. But then I figured it all out- I just took the biggest, fluffiest sweatshirt I had from my closet, folded it up real nice, and voila! You have a shirt-pillow! This is like the greatest invention since electricity... or tortilla chips with a hint of lime.

6/26/04

-Updated the Random Quotes
-Updated the Horrible Jokes
-Updated the IM Logs
-Updated the Miscellaneous section

So- all you highschoolers are on vacation now, and I'm sure a lot of you are looking for a summer job! Many of you haven't had a job yet, and you probably don't know how to go about getting one. One question you may be asking yourself is- "How can I write a resume? I have no work experience, haven't done any volunteer work, have no references, etc..." Well, none of that is a problem! Check out the Miscellaneous section for a sample resume by yours truly. Don't forget the other updates!

(If anyone wants to know why it took so long for me to update, check the message board)

6/9/04

My home computer crashed again while my brother was using it. I lost all my freakin updates... arghHhHh. I'll try to salvage what I can. Also I have a full-time summer job now and I have very little free time. I'll do my best though.

wow i can't believe it! i just started working. its soooo hard. i wake up at 6:00 in the morning. I get to work and then i have to get this...open my bag!! can you believe it!? Such bull!!! Then i have to reach into it to get my harry potter book. Then i have to find what page i was at yesterday. Geez my gosh. Ha and those friggin somalian kids think they have it bad!? Sheesh! Give me a break. So Aaron and Jin came over today. Aaron is soooo cool. The only reason that he doesn't have a girlfriend is because he can't find anyone good enough. Man i wish i were as muscular and caucasian as he is. The thing i like about him is that he's the kind of person who wouldn't go to the bathroom and leave his computer with the editor to his website unguarded. Sigh...he's sooooo dreamy.

5/8/04

-Updated the Horrible Jokes

THREE-THOUSAND HITS!!! To celebrate, here's a great horrible joke. (The horrible jokes seems to be the most popular section of the site)

A man with a giant orange for half of his head walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Hey! What the hell happened to you buddy?" The man says "well, I was rumaging through some old stuff when I came across a lamp. I rubbed it and *poof*! Out pops a genie and he grants me three wishes!" "and what did you wish for?" the bartender asks. "With my first wish," the guy says, "I asked for every woman I ever met to be madly in love with me and want me. All of a sudden I was surrounded by all of these women! "With my second wish I asked for a million dollars that I could never lose and could never be stolen. BAM! I was rich. "And for my third wish, I wished that half of my head was a giant orange."

4/28/04

-Updated the Miscellaneous section.

I have a new job at Albany... I'm a consultant in the computer user rooms. So I sit around on a computer, goof off, do some homework, and I get paid for it. WoOoOo.

Anyway, no one is allowed to bring drinks/food in the user rooms so sometimes I have to go on what we call "drug busts". If I see a drink I tell the person to put it on the floor. This one business major idiot gave me a hard time today. It was like...
"I'm sorry could you put your water bottle on the floor?"
"Whoa, chill man, it's empty."
"Uh.. then can you throw it out?"
"Nah I'm gonna keep it."
"moronssaywhat?"
"What?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
Then I crushed his water bottle with my fist.

Remember, I'm still looking for feedback- I'm thinking of a new pictures section for normal pictures of friends and hangouts n crap. The other pics section will just be used for funny pics. What do you guys think?

Don't forget to check out the update in the misc section. Also, the 4/26 update is still fairly new so check it out if you haven't yet (It's right under this one).

4/26/04

-Updated the Pics
-Updated the Links

Thanks for all your responses about the new picture section! I got tons of great ideas from you guys! AOL had to cancel my mail service because I was just getting way too many emails from my site-readers! I got so much mail, one of their mail servers exploded and killed three AOL technician guys. One of them was pregnant, and another one had downs syndrome. Good job guys. Good job.

Make sure you all check out the new pics and the new link. The link is to a parody of Lord of the Rings... hilarious stuff. The humor is very similar to homestarrunner.com, so if you like that I guarantee you will love this. Oh and in case you couldn't tell before- I was being sarcastic in the first paragraph. I still need some freakin feedback about the new pics section, come on people.

4/19/04

-Updated the Horrible Jokes

An email from a concerned reader-

Congratulations to the thousandth visitor- nobody!

See... this is what happened- I go onto my website, and the counter is at 999. I'm like "THE SITE IS AT 999!!!" Two of my suitemates immediately try to log on to be #1000... and they both see the counter at 1001. Anyway, I am feeling freakin awesome right now because I just aced my math test- second highest grade in the class.  And in the class ranking, I'm tied for third place.  YEAHHH!!!  Alright so today I have a new horrible joke, random quote and IM log.. go check them out.

10/15/03

-Updated the Random Quotes.
-Updated the IM logs.
-Updated the Horrible Jokes.

Hi. Yeah I can't think of anything funny to talk about at the moment... maybe I'll add something later today. The updates are very good though. Go look at those. 

10/13/03

-Updated the Random Quotes.
-Updated the IM Logs.

I had such an awesome weekend. I don't think I've ever had so many people remember my birthday- I'm really greatful to have such cool friends. I ate at applebees twice this weekend- and each time I was humiliated when the waitors came marching out of the kitchen to sing me the horrible applebees birthday song. But it's ok cuz I got a free whipcream sundae! So.. I'm 18 now.. I can finally smoke and go on jury duty! YES!!! Well, thanks again everyone!

So! Interesting story- while my dad was driving me home this past weekend... We felt a big bump out of nowhere. My dad pulls over... and he ran over a pig! The pig was dying and all.. and I'm like "just put it out of its misery!" But my Dad couldn't do that.. so he used one of those emergency phones on the side of the highway. He calls the local police of wherever we were at.. and tells them about the pig. The cop on the phone was like "Stay where you are. You're at the scene of a crime" and my dad's like "I'm not staying! I'm doing you a favor by calling and telling you about this!" but the cop just insisted that he stay there... and that he'd be there in 15 minutes. So we're obviously not going to wait... we drive home. Then like an hour later, the phone rings... AND IT'S THE COP!!! I was like... "How did he find our number!? It turns out... the pig squealed. HAHAHAHA... ohh man. I love that joke. Credit for that goes to Beth's pastor. Enjoy the update everyone!

10/7/03

-Updated the horrible jokes.
-Updated the IM logs with some driving-themed stuff.

Very sorry for the lack of updates. I've been really busy lately, and when I came back home, I found that my computer here also blew up. So I have no camera software here, and my IM logs that used to be on my computer are destroyed (the backups are all in Albany). Anyway, I hope you guys like the updates. Expect more when everything is up and running 100% again (probably soon).

9/22/03

Hey everyone. My computer up here recently blew up because of some virus, so there could be a delay in updates. I also won't be on aim as often, since, you know... my computer blew up. So if you have my phone number- don't be afraid to use it. Or just email me. The link's right up there. Seriously, it gets really boring in Albany.

9/19/03

-Updated the IM logs with three new convos!
-Updated the pics section.

Nice update today! I can't go home this weekend, but I'm definitely finding a way to get home for next weekend. So, anyway, hurricane Isabel hit us today. It didn't seem as bad as I thought it would be... Although the glare from the sun made me squint my eyes a lot. That was pretty rough. Ok the real update isn't here this time guys- go look at the other sections. Enjoy!

9/14/03

-Updated the IM logs.

I finally visited home this weekend! Man it was great... except for the ride home... Keith's car is incredibly tiny, and I had to sit in the back seat... and I had to pee the entire time... not the most comfortable trip. But hey I don't care, I got to go home. I would sit in the trunk if I had to. So I was worried me and Keith might not be allowed back into Cardozo (our old High School) to visit the fencing team... you know, since we don't go there anymore and I was carrying a weapon (a foil). So the security guard sees us as we enter... and he's just like Heyyy guys what's up! Fencers! Yeahhh go right ahead... Anyway that was a lot of fun, then the next day I watched Kung Pow twice... and now I'm back in Albany. The End. Enjoy the new IM logs.

9/8/03

-Updated the random quotes.
-Updated the IM logs.

Another update already! So yeah I recently found out that my parents have been visiting my website. My Dad sees like one curse word and totally freaks out. Anyway, people shouldn't judge me by my website. Get to know me. Sure I curse once in awhile when I'm angry, but who doesn't? I bet you can't tell by my website that I don't drink. Anyway I'm gonna go skip class and smoke some crack, enjoy the awesome updates!

Haha.. I'm just kidding. The updates aren't that awesome.

9/7/03

Man it does not feel like it's been only 6 days since the last time I updated. Time moves strange in college. Anyway, I just saw Kung Pow tonight... if you like this website, you will love Kung Pow. It's just... incredible. I haven't seen a movie that funny in a long time.

So, okay.. funny story or something... let's think... I met this guy today who's trying to get me into anime.. but I'm really afraid to, because I've heard about how addicting it can be. It was just like... "hey man.. I've got some really great crack in my room. Seriously it's really fun and exciting... you need to try some crack. I have such a huge collection of crack."

In fact, my freaking piano students quit on me because of anime. I don't know how the hell that works... I mean I didn't quit playing piano just because I like Smallville. "Man Smallville is so great that I'm never playing piano again! I'm going to devote my life to Smallville!" I mean they're completely unrelated things! Oh well while I'm entertaining people on a piano, they'll be asking people to watch pokemon with them. And now is not a good time for me to get addicted to anime, starting college and all. I already have piano, fencing, heroine, Homestar Runner... I just can't fit in another addiction.

9/1/03

-New pics in the pics section.

Well, I'm up in Albany now! My suitemates are all very cool, and I'm making friends and everything. So a couple of nights ago we watched Lord of the Rings- The Two Towers on a huge screen on some field. I had a nice spot on the floor, sitting with friends and all... and then I had to pee. See, in a normal movie theatre... you can just run to the bathroom and be back in about one or two minutes. The problem here was- I was in a field in like the middle of nowhere. So, I wander around, looking for a nice, private tree.. and I see a building. So I figure I can just use the building. Well... a bathroom in the building. Not the building.

I run in, desparately trying to find a bathroom. Somehow I find my way into these underground tunnels... yes I'm not making it up, Albany has underground tunnels so that students can get around when it snows heavily. I wander around for awhile, wind up back where I entered, and try a different way. Now I'm in a deserted cafeteria... I walk through, and I see some people working at a fastfood place. I'm like WHERE'S THE BATHROOM and they're like it's over there. So I go over there... open the bathroom door... and i'm like "YES!!!"... and there's some guy standing at a urinal. Then I felt really weird. Ok I run into a bathroom stall, and I'm waiting for the guy to leave cuz I felt weird peeing with him right outside my stall. But he just stands there. I don't know maybe he had the same problem and he was waiting for me to leave or something... so I was just standing there for about five minutes. Waiting. He finally leaves and I pee like instantly... then I backtrack to the movie. Everyone's like "where the hell were you the past 20 minutes" and i'm like *deep breath* "wellll.." and I tell them the story.

The next day I have to buy some text books. My dad gave me a few hundred bucks for text books and I was all like "pshh I'm not going to need that much..." So, I find my economics books- 107 bucks... I'm like WHAT THE HELL.. but then I realized they were hardcover, plus, there were two in the package. So I'm like ok it's not so bad. Then I look for my math text book... it's this small, soft cover book... 110 BUCKS. I'm like WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THIS!?!? They probably have some freaking somalian kids in sweat shops making these things for five cents an hour.. and they charge me like eleventy trillion dollars.. I go up to the register and i'm like "dude I not paying 110 bucks for this thing" and the guy's like too bad man, so I tore out his esophagus. It makes a great bookmark. Anyway, check out the new pics to see what else I've been up to. Enjoy.

8/25/03

-Updated the misc. section with some awesome stuff.

Added some Homestar Runner ringtones (midis) to the midi section. You can download them if you have the right software and a data cable for your cellphone. Or just download them to hear them. Whatever.

Nothing else to say. Enjoy.

8/1/03

-Updated the quotes.
-Updated the Misc. section with a new midi.
-Updated the pics section.

So my brother finally discovered my website. I refused to give him the URL to my site for months since I have a few pictures of him up... but he found it. I left an away message on the other day that said "Out. Go visit the website while I'm gone-" and right below that was a link to the site that said "Off Target on the Josh". So he sees this... and he's like FINALLY! HIS WEBSITE! Now, you'd think he just clicked on the link and found the website, right? Nope. My genius brother goes on yahoo.com and types in "Off Target on the Josh" and finds it that way. What a bright young man.

Alright so enjoy the new updates. Be sure to check out the new midi if you're a Homestar Runner fan.

7/26/03

-Updated the IM logs page.
-Updated the Horrible Jokes.
-Updated the Misc. section.

Sorry for the lack of updates again. Ok so a few days ago, I saw Pirates of the Carribean. I really wanted to go up to the ticket booth and be like...
"So... what's the pirate movie rated again?"
"PG-13 sir!"
"Ohh ok.. cuz I thought it was rated ARRR!!!"

...but the lady in the booth looked kinda bitter. Oh man speaking of bitter people, I went to the DMV recently... but I'll get to that later. So all these girls tell me Pirates of the Carribean is SO GREAT, but I didn't like it at all. I think maybe it's because I'm a guy and I'm not attracted to Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp. I mean, That has to be the only reason that anyone likes this movie because it really sucks. I mean who makes a movie based on a Disney World ride... Yeah Johnny Depp's acting was great, but I didn't think it saved the movie. It was so damn predictable too. If I asked anyone to guess what happens in the end of the movie, they could probably guess it easily. In fact, if you haven't seen the movie, email me and take a guess at what happens in the end.

I just realized there are so many people that like this movie that I might actually get some kinda hate mail. Say you hate.. I don't know, I'm going to use grilled cheese sandwiches because I'm eating one now. If I hear this I'm not going to go nuts and send you hatemail about how your opinion is wrong because "GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES ARE TOTALLY AWESOME TO THE MAX YOU MUST BE GAY OLOLOL!!1". So if you don't agree with something I write and it pisses you off, just skip it and move on to the next paragraph or something.

Anyway, I went to the DMV a few days ago to finally get my REAL license. I had to wait about an hour and a half, and pay five bucks to get it. All because bitch-lady couldn't just fix the mistake in 30 seconds by printing out the right license on her palm pilot. See the entry about my road test if you don't know what I'm talking about. While I was waiting I noticed my glasses were a little dirty so I went to the bathroom to wash it... and this place only has ONE unisex bathroom for like a thousand freaking people. When they finally called my number, the guy who took care of all the paperwork was a huge asshole. He was all impatient.. like "Give me your forms... all of them.". And he just threw the paper at me to sign, didn't even say "sign here" or anything like that. It's like you have to have "asshole" on your resume to get a job at the DMV. So then I'm like "Oh wait sir... I forgot to give you this and I pulled my middle finger out of my pocket. Ok maybe I didn't do that but I should have. Alright that's all, enjoy the new updates.

7/13/03

-Huge update on the IM logs page.

This week's been pretty good. I saw 28 Days Later, which was great. Don't see it if you don't like scary movies though. Then I saw Terminator 3, which was average. It had lots of incredibly lame phrases like *Arnold Accent* "You ah tehminated." or "She'll be bahk." My eyes rolled so much I could see my skull.

Today I went to my friend Kimmy's birthday party, which was pretty cool. It was probably the last time I'm going to see a lot of people from high school (at least, in a very long time). While I was signing her yearbook I noticed a mosquito flew into and drowned in my drink. So instead of getting rid of the drink completely, I put the drink aside, and continued signing the book. Then this girl comes over and drinks it, and she throws up all over my face, and I totally forgot what I was writing in the yearbook! Ha ha... don't you hate it when that happens? Alright actually what really happened was- I drank the mosquito. After a minute I realized what I did... I was sick for like an hour. But it was still fun anyway. So check out the IM logs section, big update there, and I got my first piece of fanart.

7/6/03

-Updated the IM Logs.

My road test-
I get to the road test site about 20 minutes early, but there's still a line of cars going around the block anyway. The examiners aren't even there yet. At about 1:00, I see a bunch of people in DMV uniforms walk around the corner. They look angry, bitter, like they hate being there. They really look like jerks. Me and my dad got stuck in the one part of the line where there's no shade, and these idiots in front of us wouldn't move up. So I'm just sitting there, under the hot, burning sun... then this big, old, scary intimidating DMV guy comes up to our car. I guess he was the supervisor cuz he looked like the biggest asshole there. I mean, he looked like if you said the wrong thing to him, he would spit in your face or something. He asks for my permit and 5-hour certificate. I give him those, he goes away.

A few minutes later, I'm taking the test with some angry lady. I pass. She says "Now, you know you can't drive with this license until you're 18." I'm very confused because I could have sworn that if you take driver's ed and pass a road test, you get a license if you're 17. So my dad's driving me home, I'm telling him about this, then I notice the temporary license she gave me says DJ on it. I was supposed to get a D license. A DJ license is exactly the same as a permit. In other words, you can do absolutely nothing with it. In fact, if I had a purple crayon and a piece of paper, I could make my own DJ License! It's just as useful as the real thing!

So we decide to go back and ask what the hell is going on. We find the head-asshole, and ask him why I don't have a normal license if I passed driver's ed. He goes "Oh you had to give me your course completion certificate." I'm like ok here it is. Then he tells us to talk to the person who give me my road test and ask if they can fix it. All this guy told me to give him was my 5-hour certificate, and permit. How many times has he done this? Shouldn't he know by now to ask if I've completed driver's ed? What an asshole. SoOoOo bitch-lady finishes testing someone else, I tell her that I need a normal D-class license because I finished driver's ed. I show her my certificate. She says "oh well you should have showed me that before!

I'm like "You should have ASKED FOR IT BITCH! YOU CAN'T TAKE THIRTY SECONDS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING SCHEDULE TO PRINT ME OUT A NORMAL LICENSE ON YOUR FUCKING PALM PILOT!?" And she's like "Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave the test site" and I'm like "I'm going to have to ask YOU to shut up!" and I kicked her in the face. Then the head-asshole comes over and he's all like hey you can't do that! So I gave him a papercut with my piece-of-crap-useless DJ license, and he started bleeding all over. He ran away all like "Oh noOoOo I'm bleeding boo-hooo"...

Ok so that last paragraph didn't happen. I'm going to have to wait for my picture license to come in the mail (about 2-3 weeks probably), and bring it back to the DMV (Department of Motherfucking Vaginas) with my certificate so they can change it to a normal license. I mean, there's noOoOo freaking way bitch-lady can just print me out a normal license. Man I hate the DMV.

7/4/03

-Updated the random quotes.

So today I went to Sam Ash to play all the thousand dollar keyboards I can never afford... man they ruled. I was having a lot of fun, then this little seven or eight-year-old girl walks in. She starts playing piano songs AT MY LEVEL. I started playing the ending to fur elise... a few seconds later, she starts playing the exact same thing. Ha ha... isn't that cute!? A little girl who's as good as me on the piano... So then I punted her through a window. She landed in a highway, and this bullet train that was on the highway at the time crashed into her, and she exploded in a huge ball of flames.

Let's see what else is new... ah, I went to orientation at Albany SUNY. It was actually not bad. There were all kinds of people there... frat boys, jocks, jappy girls, ghetto people (unfortunately), geeks and nerds... They had this party at night. You could really tell the people apart during it. The jappy girls, frat boys and ghetto people were all dancing to loudass rap music, and most of the geeks were inside playing board games.

So I went inside. Anyway, I met a bunch of cool people and everything, and I even have a roomate for the fall now. Oh another thing... we had to register for classes, and before we did this we had to pick ten classes that we might be interested in. I picked about five, and I couldn't find any more. They all just sucked so much. There was one class called "The Upper Atmostphere". How the hell can anyone teach about the upper atmostphere for an entire semester? How much is there to learn about the upper atmosphere? Who would want to learn about the upper atmosphere for an entire term? What other awesome classes do we have here... ah yes, Geography of Africa. Fascinating. Alright I'm done for now, keep checking back for updates. Don't forget to go to the random quotes.

6/29/03

-Updated the IM logs.

Yes I know it's been awhile... I just haven't heard any good quotes or good bad jokes or anything lately. So... highschool is over. It's been a fun four years. It's pretty depressing how I'm going three hours away to college while most of my friends are either staying home or going somewhere very far. It also sucks how I've met a lot of cool people towards the end of the year just in time for everyone to go their separate ways.

Anyway, the graduation ceremony was great, our valedictorian made an excellent speech. It was probably the best part of the ceremony. I'm visiting Albany for programming the next couple of days. I'll try to update more often in the next couple of weeks to make up for that big amount of time with no updates. But if it does take awhile, check out the links section! There are a lot of hilarious websites there to keep you busy, especially homestarrunner.com. So.. go look at the links.

6/11/03

-Updated the horrible jokes section.

Today in fencing club, my coach was setting up electric fencing. I was all excited about it, because I never have an opportunity to do this since the only place you can do it is in the city, and I have none of my own electric fencing equipment. Problem was, I had an appointment for a physical at the exact same time as club. So while everyone was fencing electric, I would be getting checked for a hernia (ask a guy what they do in a herina checkup). But... I got there early, and they decided to take me early so I made it back in time. I fenced Keith (best fencer in the school)... AND I TOTALLY...

Lost.

But it was close! Five to three! Anyway after the bout I almost passed out because of the heat and all the heavy equipment I was wearing. Now I feel like I'm getting sick.

6/10/03

-Updated the horrible jokes section.
-Updated the links section.
-Updated the IM logs section with two new logs.

Haven't updated in awhile due to prom stuff and finals/homework. Yeah I can't believe it either, I actually have work. Anyway today was very frustrating... Anyone who goes to Cardozo reading this- have you ever had problems getting into the library? A few weeks ago, I try to get into the library... they ask for my program card. I say I don't have it (I lent it to a friend). I tell them I'm a senior and I'm out of school, you can even tell by my age on my school ID. They don't care, they tell me to go downstairs to the front entrance, scan my ID on the machine there, and ask a security guard to print me out a daily schedule.

So I walk all the way down to the main entrance, carrying my bookbag and my very heavy fencing equipmemnt, and there are no ID machines there. I figure they're probably in the lunch room. So, I go to the lunch room, scan my ID, ask the lunch lady to print me out a daily schedule, and they say they can't do that. So I get a pass from some lunch lady, walk all the way back to the library, and I get in with no problem. No one is guarding the door, no one asks for a program or anything. So I went all around the school, carrying all my crazy crap, and I did it for no reason.

Today, I try to get into the library again. The head librarian is guarding the door this time, and he tells me the exact same thing I was told last time. I tell him there are no ID machines in the front of the school, and they won't print me out a schedule in the cafeteria. He's like "yes they will!". I'm like ok what if I get back up here and the library is full, and I can't get in. He assures me it will not be closed. SOoOoOo I go down there again, scan my ID, ask for a schedule, and of course, the lunchlady tells me she can't do that. I get a pass from some other lunchlady, then they don't let me out of the fucking lunchroom. I wait a few minutes, they finally let me out, I run back up to the library, and it's closed because it's full. I start banging on the door violently... a nervous little freshman girl comes up to the door and tells me Uhh the library is full! and i'm like LET ME SPEEK TO TEH HED LIBRARIRAN!!!!111 So she goes and gets him, I'm like U SED IT WODULTN'BE CLSOED!!!11one and he's like oh yeah alright you can come in. What a bunch of freaking dipshits.

Oh and prom was fun and everything. Senior "sick" day I went to six flags, that was awesome too.

Enjoy the updates.

5/28/03

-Updated the pics section.
-Updated the horrible jokes.

Once again, I apologize for updating so damn often. Today started out alright, I got to the top of the rankings in fencing class, and I got out of physics because of some citywide economics test. Then I hung around school for a few hours waiting for fencing club. That was cool too. Lots of people showed up. THEN I ate a calzone at Gino's and got horribly sick for the rest of the day. In fact, I'm still pretty sick right now. Stay away from the fucking calzones there. Anyway, enjoy the big update.

5/19/03

-Updated the random quotes section.

Something I forgot to talk about in the 5/17 entry-
At the end of the Matrix, we knew there was a trailer at the end of the credits, so we all sat and waited. While the songs used in the movie were scrolling by, this guy walks by the front of the screen. At the same time, Radha saw a song called "Teahouse", or something like that, and she goes "Oh look! Teahouse!". But I thought she was talking about the guy who walked in front of the screen... like his name was T-House or something. Anyway, we all thought it was hilarious, but maybe it was one of those "had-to-be-there" things.

5/17/03

-Updated the random quotes section.

Today was insane...
So some people come over my house before the movie, we hang out. Then a few more people meet up at Boston Market. By the time we got to the theatre, everyone was there. Nice and early. But then people kept on walking off and coming back... and no one stuck together... incredibly disorganized. My plans always wind up like that. Anyway, it's 30 minutes before the movie... We're about to enter the theatre... then they ask for ID. Total chaos. Half the people there were not 17 or older. So everyone panics... they start screaming at the workers guarding the entrance... but it didn't do anything. I thought this was rediculous since I've seen R movies there with friends that are under 17, and before I was 17 I could get into R movies with no problem.

I called my Dad, and he rushed over. He told everyone that he gives us permission to go in and see the movie, but they say that he has to accompany them. He tried to get a ticket, but it was sold out. Then Eric and everyone start screaming at the workers again, and my Dad asks to talk to the manager. The manager says he would sell my Dad an extra ticket, but Eric was so rude that he shouldn't even do it. So Eric actually puts aside his anger, which must have taken amazing willpower, and apologizes. They let my Dad and everyone in, and we all see The Matrix. Man it was so incredible. I want to go on rambling about it but I'm sure there are lots of people who haven't seen it yet, so I'm just not going to say anything.

5/16/03

-Updated the IM logs with two new convos

Wow it's been awhile since I updated. Sorry! I've been real busy. I mean, I am a real busy guy. Doing lots of very important things. Anyway... I've been waiting for tomorrow for a long time. It is one of the most important days in my life. I'm seeing The Matrix Reloaded O_O!!!!!

5/6/03

-Added a quote to the random quotes section.

We had the dedication for the school field today. Some sorta famous people showed up and all the teams had to stand outside in the cold drizzle and listen to a bunch of speeches. Man they should build the freaking fencing team their own field. A... fencing... field. Yeah. There were a bunch of people with cameras there too, but they never seemed to film the fencing team. Only like... the lacrosse team, and the baseball team... fencing is cool too!!! Come on now! We would have looked a lot better if we were allowed to carry our masks/foils but instead we just dressed up in our dorky super stylish fencing jackets.

5/4/03

I pretty much did nothing today, and I don't have a real update... but I came across something unbelievably funny online. I'm sure when you were all kids, you did some crazy things when no one was watching, like had pretend-swordfights or whatever. Well this kid video taped an imaginary lightsaber-duel, and forgot to take out the casette on the camera. You can find the video for it here. This poor kid's social life is over. I feel so bad for him. So bad that I'm showing this to everyone I know.

*Update- You can get the video from here now. The links on the original page up there now require you to download some stupid extra software to see the video, so screw that. You can also find the special effects version here.

5/3/03

-Changed the last quote in the Random Quotes so it's less of an inside joke.

I saw X-men 2 today... great movie, but it was completely ruined by these dipshits sitting behind us. I mean, I've seen some dipshits before... but these people were really huge dipshits. They kept laughing at the most inappropriate scenes, and saying retarded things like "I think that's Mystique!" constantly. Ughhh. And they were the kind of people with that loud, really obnoxious laugh... like GUHAW HAW HAW HAW!!!... so anyway go see the movie, it's good.

5/2/02

-Added a quote to the Random Quotes.

Sorry for the lack of updates this week... I've been really, really busy. Teachers really love to pile up work on you when you get back from vacation. And I'm really not used to doing work this term since I have only two real classes, and get out at like 12:00. So... enjoy the quote, I'll try to update more this week to make up for the past week.

4/24/03

-Fixed the freaking "e-mail me" link.
-Made the "e-mail me" link work.
-Ok just email me, alright?

So it turns out ever since I put that little e-mail link above, it was messed up. It was like...
OfftrgtontheJosh@aol.com@aol.com
Monica pointed it out to me. But hey- that must mean that my site really isn't totally unpopular and no one likes me- it was just that I could never receive the hundreds of emails I must have been getting! Yeah! That's it! I'm sure my email will now be flooded with thousands of emails (daily) from my adoring fans.

4/23/03

-Updated the pics section with one pic.
-Added 4/19's entry to the miscellaneous section.

I got such a great response from the last entry that I'm adding it to the misc. page. So for anyone who wants to read the action-packed completely true story of my fencing tournament, they can easily access it there. It's so great cuz it's totally not made up.

4/19/03

-Updated the IM logs section with one new convo.
-Updated the Random Quotes with two new quotes.

Today my fencing coach held this mini-tournament for all the people who go to lessons. When I got there, it was just me and Radha. I was like... ok, the freaking tournament better not be:
Team 1- Josh
Team 2- Radha

A few more people showed up though. It was like... all the Cardozo people vs. everyone else. In the end everyone was relying on me... I had to fence the captain of the other team. So with five seconds left, my team had 41 points, the other team had 43 points. I just ran full force at the guy, sticking out my foil... like "ahHhHhHhHhh!!!" and I actually got him!!! 42-43!

So now there was only two seconds left... I ran at him again... and I did this UNBELIEVABLE somersault over his head... and I got him right in the back in mid-air!!! I hit him so hard the guy FLEW across the room and landed on this table, and the table EXPLODED in a giant fireball. The impact was so big, all the windows shattered too!!! My coach thought it was so cool, that he gave my team seven points! And we won!!! YEAHHHH!!!

But then the landlord of the building came in, and he was like YOU BROKE MY TABLE!!! He grabbed a foil, swung on this chandelier and landed right in front of me! Then I fenced HIM! My coach started playing some crazy techno music on the piano from the matrix... then the landlord lunged at me, and I leaned back and dodged his foil... and I got him RIGHT IN THE KIDNEYS! The landlord EXPLODED in a giant fireball too... Then me and my team flew back to Earth.

Alright fine I made that last part up. I just tried to charge at him again, but time ran out before I could touch him and they won by one point. Shucks. Oh and before I forget, if you guys are curious about the stories behind some of those random quotes, just email me. *points at the "email me" link above*

4/17/03

-Updated the IM logs section with three new logs.

So Binghamton wait-listed me, and it looks like I'll be going to Albany. Seems like an alright school though. What else happened the past week... oh, new smallville episodes again!!! Finally! Oh yeah and we have 11 days off from school or something. That's pretty cool too.

4/9/03

-Updated the misc. section with two midis I made. Go check it out.
-Seriously. Go check out the midis.
-Now.

Man you'd think I'd be feeling better by now but nope- still sick. I found this picture of a lot of people from my elementary school today (fourth grade, I think)... They're all playing their little recorders at some school concert. I still see a lot of these people at school too. I think I'll bring it to school tomorrow and embarass them. >=)

4/7/03

-Updated the pics section.
-Fixed a little glitch in the links section.

Stayed home from school today. Played some piano. Sat around a lot. I got a cold from Amanda. I'm pretty sure... Even though she says it's not from her. And what the HELL is up with the freaking weather lately!? A huge snowstorm in APRIL!? Ok anyway enjoy the new pics.

4/3/03

-Added a crapload of stuff.
-Made a website.

OMFG A WEBSITE!?!? JOSH TIHS IS SO COOLL OLOLOL!!!!111

I know! Isn't it great? A friend of Radha's, Janet, helped me with the layout for the site. Then I just learned some basic html so I could somewhat understand the code and edit/update it. Janet's now part of a free web-designing service... so if you need a layout for a site or something, check out Charm-Bracelet.


3/30/03

-Added a new IM log.

So, the birthdays the past week went pretty well. Me and Radha got Anna a watch (time for youUuUu to get a watch!) and I got Radha a Trogdor shirt. For those people who don't know who Trogdor is, go here.