-What's the deeeeaaalll with Sea-Monkeys!?

~Sea-Monkeys are a true miracle of nature. Many believe sea-monkeys are a variety of "Artemia", or brine shrimp, but this is not true. Actual real live monkeys are taken from the jungle and shrunk down to miniature size- then their lungs are removed and replaced with gills.

(BEFORE)


(AFTER)

-How do I get started?

~Fill your sea-monkey tank with twelve ounces of distilled water, filtered water, or gasoline.

~Add the purifying solution and stir rigorously with shoe for 60 seconds.

~Wait 24 hours and add the sea-monkeys. If you forgot to wait 24 hours before adding the sea-monkeys, the purifying solution will not have finished working. Harmful impurities in the water will poison them and deliver a slow, painful death; their vengeful spirits will haunt you for eternity.

~Otherwise- watch as your sea-monkeys hatch right before your eyes! Amazing!!! If you don't see sea-monkeys right away- you probably messed up. Punt the tank through a window and start over.

 

-Basic Care

~Sea-Monkeys need oxygen in their water, so you have to remember to aerate their tank every day or so. To do this, you can gently blow bubbles into the tank with a straw, carefully shake the tank for a minute, or empty your tank into a blender and set it on high power. Sea-Monkeys actually enjoy this- it's like a rollercoaster!

~After the first five days, you can feed your sea-monkeys. Drop a spoonful of food in the tank every week. Remember, if the tank starts to get cloudy, it means you have put too much food in! Your sea-monkeys will grow to monstrous proportions and eat you alive- set them on fire before this happens.

~Humans need a well balanced diet of grains, dairy products, fruits, vegetables, and meat. Sea-Monkeys are no exception! They need a balanced diet too, fatty! Sea-Monkeys especially love hamburgers (well-done, NO CHEESE they are allergic) and tortilla chips with a hint of lime.

Silly Christine! Those are for the Sea-Monkeys!

-Fun Facts

~Sea-Monkeys can sometimes be pretty boring if you don't catch them at the right times. To stimulate them, try exposing them to more light; Also try sticking a severed electrical wire into the water to help excite them- or cook them. Whichever you prefer.
(Serve chilled with a dollop of marmalade for a special dessert treat!)